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Do you ever find it hard to get the conversation started?
In this article, I will give five great ideas for starting conversations with your coworkers, your customers, your friends, and even with complete strangers on the street. With these 5 tips, you will be able to start a conversation and keep it going leading you to more pleasant discussions, getting to know people better, and deepening your relationships over time.
Listen to these 5 conversation starters below!
Most conversations start with small talk. Even amongst close friends, it’s common to use a typical greeting like, “Hi, how are you?” or, “Hey, how’s it going?” to get the conversation started.
In my office for example, I may see maybe 7-8 people a day in the hallway or in the break room and it’s very common for them to say to me, “Hello, how are you doing today?”
Now, if I give the typical response and say I’m fine or I’m good, then the other person will say the same thing back to me, and then the conversation is over and goes nowhere.
Instead, I want to challenge you to share more than what is expected and see if you get more in return. The key to making conversation in English is to always share more than what is asked. This gives the other person more to work with and they are more likely to give you more in return than short 2-3 word answers.
So instead of saying, “I’m good,” try saying “I’m great, I just finished a big project and I’m so happy it’s done. How is your day going?”
Do you see how I actually shared a small glimpse into my life? Do you see how the other person might respond differently than the usual, one-word response now? They may acknowledge what I said about my project or share a little about their day as well.
However, if they still only give a one-word answer, the other person may not have time to make conversation. Remember it takes two people to make a conversation. If the other person is not giving you much to work with then the conversation may not take off even though you are giving it your best effort. This is not your fault. It’s just not the right time for a conversation with this particular person.
However, if the other person responds back with a full-sentence answer then it’s game on. Let the conversation continue!
Conversation is like a tennis match. You need the other person to play along and hit the ball back into your court to keep the conversation going.
So, really tip number 1 is really the most important thing to master.
Tip #1: Share more than is asked.
At first, it may even take some preparation on your part to share more than is asked, but you already know that, “How are you,” is the most common question that people ask. You should be prepared for it. Think of something that you can say in advance. What can you share about your day? What can you share about your week? Some ideas for how to share more when asked, “How are you today?” include:
“I’m excited. I’m going to check out a new movie tonight and I’m really looking forward to it. How about you?”
“I’m great! My daughter just graduated from kindergarten. I’m so proud of her. She’s growing up so fast.”
“I’m good, but ready for the weekend. I have some exciting plans.”
In all of these examples, you are sharing more than what is asked, and now the other person can choose to play along and share something about themselves as well or they can ask you follow-up questions. Both are great ways to keep the conversation going.
Tip #2: Listen and ask a thoughtful question
Let’s take one of the previous examples. If someone says, “I’m going to check out a new movie and I’m excited about it.” That is an open invitation to ask more about it. Take that opportunity. Say,
“Oh, really? What movie are you going to see and why are you so excited?”
Once that person answers your follow-up question then repeat tip #1 and share more than what is asked. Share any relevant stories from your life to keep the conversation going. You want to constantly alternate between sharing and asking questions, sharing and asking questions. This creates the perfect balance for your conversations.
Tip 3: Give a sincere compliment followed by a question.
For example, “I really like your shirt/watch/car/computer where did you get it? I need one like that, or it would be a good gift for someone.” People usually don’t mind sharing this type of information. They are happy that you took an interest in something of theirs and when they hear you want to buy one for yourself or for a family member they usually will give a longer response because they want to help you.
At work, if someone shares a particularly good idea or gives a good presentation, be sure to compliment them afterward. “I really liked your presentation today. How did you come up with your idea for ______? I think it’s great.” This shows that you are sincere and really listened to the presentation. People spend a lot of time preparing presentations and their ideas for meetings. They would love to hear a kind word from you about it. This really strengthens your professional relationships and can help with career advancement if you consistently give thoughtful and sincere compliments about work-related efforts.
Tip #4: Talk about your environment.
Another idea to get the conversation started is to talk about your current environment. What is unique about it? What stands out about it?
You can ask, “Why is the air conditioning always so cold in here? I feel like I need a sweater in the middle of summer.”
Or if you are in a long line. “Wow, this line is impressive. Do you think we will get out of here by Christmas?” This one is slightly funny, and people will appreciate the amusement while doing something as boring as waiting in line.
Comments about your environment are fun ice breakers, meaning a way to break down any walls or barriers between strangers, but to keep the conservation going you can use tip #5.
Tip #5: Ask about something exciting.
People love talking about things they are excited about, so ask if they have anything exciting planned this week. Usually, people will either say, “No I’m just relaxing.” “No, I’m just doing chores and errands.” Or they may share a really interesting story of what they plan to do. In any case, try to build off of what they say and share your own experience as with tip #1.
Other variations of this question could be,
- What do you like to do for fun?
- Is there anything exciting going on at work?
- Do you have anything fun planned this week?”
In general, finding out what someone likes and then just talking about that is a surefire way to get the conversations going. For example, I love to travel. If you ask me one or two thoughtful questions about traveling, get ready to hear about my latest trip. I can go on and on about it.
The thing is that every person on this planet has a subject like that that they love to talk about. For some, it could be sports, food, cars, movies, TV shows, fashion, their kids, their grandkids, their class, or their job. It varies greatly from person to person, but it’s nice to figure what every person’s favorite thing to do. You can make it a game. See if you can strike up a conversation with everyone at your job and try to find out everyone’s favorite thing.
Now, I’ve given you 5 tips to improve the quality of your small talk and to deepen your English conversations. Remember that with all things, it takes consistent practice to improve. So don’t be frustrated if you are not perfect at making small talk right away. Continue to practice a little every day and with time you will connect with people easily and effectively.
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